"Tiger Mother" I'm Not!

You'd probably have to be living under a rock to have not heard about this. But for those of you who have internet access in your rock, I'm talking about the new book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. That's the book written by a Chinese-American mother who raised her children in what she calls the traditional Chinese way, e.g. forcing them to excel in every aspect of life and limiting their social life. I was talking to my friend Veronica the other day about this book. She is from Colombia. Her only child goes to a fancy Catholic school in River Oaks, a very exclusive part of Houston. I wondered what she would think of it.

I haven't read the book, I've just heard what's being reported on the talk shows. For instance, she chose an instrument for each of her children (I think the violin and piano), and made them practice constantly. She even went so far as to threaten to burn her child's stuffed animals if she didn't work harder. Veronica and I both want our children to excel. We are willing to push them to direct them in things we know they can do well in. Veronica said there is a very thin line between pushing your child to excel and forcing them to. Something about the way she said it made me think.

Both my kids have had times when they wanted to quit something. It's very hard as a parent to let your child quit. Parenting is making tough decisions. Do you push them now, knowing that if they just keep trying, it will get easier and they will learn to love it? Or do you let them quit, and then maybe they find something they love that they're even better at? Ava's grades are crazy good, I mean, really, like 97's and 98's. Of course, this is only 1st grade. They should be that good. But, still, I can't help myself when she brings home a test where she got one question wrong. I have to go over it with her. Is this wrong? Should I just be happy that she's doing so good, or am I setting her up for something greater by showing her how to do it even better? Is that even possible in 1st grade? It is a very thin line. Obviously, I want my kids to know how proud I am of them, and that I will always be, but I also want to push them to be the best they can be. But honestly, I think the fact that I am even asking these questions makes it obvious I am not a tiger mother. The most important thing to me is that my kids have a happy childhood, one where they feel loved, have the time and ability to explore who they are, but also one that sets them up for success and independence later in life. And there's nothing wrong with that, right?

Merry Christmas from the Kutach's!!!

Well, another year is almost over. We're all another year older, a little grayer (well, maybe not), but still having fun! We're as busy as ever, which I'm guessing is obvious based upon when I'm getting this out. But we're excited for a little break!

Ava and Lyla are growing like weeds. Ava is 7 and is in 1st grade. She still loves to read and dance, but she also loves to draw and make crafts. She joined Daisy Girl Scouts this year, and is thrilled with all the activities. Basically she is a very happy kid. She does great in school, and misses her friends when she's not in school. Lyla just turned 4. She goes to preschool two days a week and stays at home with me the other days. She is dancing as well, and also loves to go to story time at the library every week (usually with Grandma). She thinks she is a grownup and tries to boss around everyone around her. She loves cats and panda bears and copies everything Ava does. It's really funny.

Mark is still working at IAG. He spends most of his free time outside with the kids. He and Ava are avid gardeners and provided our kitchen with a huge crop of tomatoes and cucumbers this year. What time I don't spend driving the kids around, I like to crochet and come up with other crazy projects for our various activities. I got roped into being the leader for Ava's girl scout troop. I'm still helping out some at Ava's school.

Mark's sister Lindsey had a baby boy recently which has been a lot of fun for us. My sister is pregnant with her 3rd--due in March. The kids are really excited about the new babies. My parents took an extended trip to Europe in October. They haven't announced yet where their next adventure will take them. Mark's parents are still in West Columbia and his mother is in much better health.

I hope all of you and your loved ones are happy and healthy this holiday season. Have a great Christmas and a wonderful new year!
-Danna

Dissed in the bathroom

Yesterday I stepped on my scale and what I saw shocked me. I have one of those fancy glass electronic scales that keeps track of everything from your last weight to the percent of fat in your body. I have no idea why I bought it. Frankly, if I had realized the number that would come up when I asked it to tell me how much of me is fat, I would never have even considered buying it. That's a number I *really* don't need to know. Anyway, when I stepped on the scale it kind of started blinking on and off, then it told me I weighed 270 lbs. What? Then, for no apparent reason other than to be mean, it displayed "Old". I am not kidding. This is my face right now... :- That is really what it said. It's bad enough it told me I weigh nearly 300 lbs, but then to tell me I'm OLD!!!!?????

I have to admit. I'm getting to *that* age. No one cards me at the grocery store anymore. (I say "grocery store", because having 2 children, I spend a lot of time there and I don't ever go to a bar!) Young men that hold the door for me call me "ma'am". And worst, my insanely gullible mother-in-law barely believes me when I tell her I'm 29. Ok, she still believes it, but in a couple of years she might not! I still tell people my dad's old adage, "I don't trust anyone over 30". Unfortunately, I'm getting really untrustworthy!

So my question is, how did I get here? Why do I still feel like a kid? When will I feel my age? My outsides are obviously showing it, but in my brain I'm still 23. Ok, so maybe I don't have the memory I once did, and maybe I occasionally shake my head at teenagers and ask what they were thinking, but I still feel like a kid myself. Hmm, maybe I just need to get my scale new batteries......

Welcome to Mommy-a-go-go

I think most moms today can understand the title. I can’t tell you how many of my mommy friends have come up to me and told me how frustrated they feel with the pace of their lives. It’s difficult. We feel we must constantly be doing something, so even in our down time, we can’t really enjoy it. There are so many things to get done around the house—the laundry, picking up clutter, scraping peanut butter off the countertops, cleaning up pee off the bathroom floor for the umpteenth time! When I’m watching tv, I’m not just watching tv; I’m folding clothes. When I’m cooking dinner, I’m not just cooking dinner; I’m emptying the dishwasher and putting outfits on Barbies.

And then there’s the constant pressure to be the perfect mother to your children. Gone are the days of kids just running around outside getting into trouble. Now they must have “stimulation”, whether it’s an educational video game or a Mandarin tutor. Kids go to dance, karate, soccer practice, girl/boy scouts, and gymnastics. Plus they must get 30 minutes of activity a day per pediatric guidelines, so now parents are taking their kids to fitness classes. I talked to a friend today who is taking her kids to a fitness class at her local gym for 25 bucks a month per kid.

The first word my oldest Ava learned to spell was S-T-O-P, as on a stop sign. I can’t just drive her to the grocery store, we have to have a lesson along the way. And while we’re driving to the grocery store, and having a spelling lesson, I’m also thinking of all the other things I need to get done. I think all this rushing around is stressful to my children, but I don’t know how to S-T-O-P. And I create more work for myself, by throwing elaborate birthday parties, volunteering at the school, and hosting book clubs. But when my husband tries to rein me in on some of this, I can’t let him, because the truth is I really enjoy all those things. I love being busy. I can’t stand to just sit at home and do nothing. And when I do, I feel guilty. So many contrasting feelings pulling me every which way. Motherhood is tough. And fast. And you better keep up with the pace.
-Danna

Merry Christmas!

If you are reading this, that means I must have gotten my Christmas cards out, although it's December 20th and I'm not sure when that's going to happen.... Well, apparently I found time! And I'm sorry if it was late!

We are doing great! Ava is in Kindergarten this year and loving it. She's doing very well. She reads just about anything you put in front of her, and I can no longer spell out words I don't want her to hear in front of her! :o) The first time this happened was earlier in the year, when I asked Mark if he wanted to go to the P-O-O-L. Needless to say, we then had to go! She is one of the tallest in her class, but of course, having a September birthday, she's also one of the oldest. Her idol is WordGirl, a superhero on PBS who uses her large vocabulary to stop crime. She loves unicorns, just like her mother did as a child, and still loves her ballet and tap lessons. She's also taking gymnastics this year, and is hooked on that as well. She's starting to do things in gymnastics that make me nervous.

Lyla started a mother's-day-out program in August. She goes happily 2 days a week. She looks like such a big girl carrying her backpack and lunch box. She turned three on 12/14th. She loves everything her sister does--Curious George, Barbie, Littlest Pet Shop, Disney Princesses. *Her* idol is Ava, and that's OK with Ava. She follows Ava around and copies everything she does. Sometimes she says things that seem a little too old for a 3-yr-old, such as when she exclaims, "Awesome!!!" Lyla loves cats. Anything with a cat. She also loves to play dress up, which is fun for me, too. I have lots of cute pics of her in outrageous outfits. She is my little Sweet Pea.

Mark is still working for IAG. He has a new office at Mustang, where I used to work, so I think this is funny. Not sure he does. He still spends entire weekends outside with the kids. He's a very devoted Dad. I keep busy taking the kids to school and taking care of the house. Just like my mother, I can't say 'no', so I've been spending a lot of time at the school helping Ava's teacher. I love being able to be there for Ava and Lyla, although sometimes I need a break. I do a lot of reading. I belong to a neighborhood book club, and I usually read 2 books a month.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!!!!