You'd probably have to be living under a rock to have not heard about this. But for those of you who have internet access in your rock, I'm talking about the new book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. That's the book written by a Chinese-American mother who raised her children in what she calls the traditional Chinese way, e.g. forcing them to excel in every aspect of life and limiting their social life. I was talking to my friend Veronica the other day about this book. She is from Colombia. Her only child goes to a fancy Catholic school in River Oaks, a very exclusive part of Houston. I wondered what she would think of it.
I haven't read the book, I've just heard what's being reported on the talk shows. For instance, she chose an instrument for each of her children (I think the violin and piano), and made them practice constantly. She even went so far as to threaten to burn her child's stuffed animals if she didn't work harder. Veronica and I both want our children to excel. We are willing to push them to direct them in things we know they can do well in. Veronica said there is a very thin line between pushing your child to excel and forcing them to. Something about the way she said it made me think.
Both my kids have had times when they wanted to quit something. It's very hard as a parent to let your child quit. Parenting is making tough decisions. Do you push them now, knowing that if they just keep trying, it will get easier and they will learn to love it? Or do you let them quit, and then maybe they find something they love that they're even better at? Ava's grades are crazy good, I mean, really, like 97's and 98's. Of course, this is only 1st grade. They should be that good. But, still, I can't help myself when she brings home a test where she got one question wrong. I have to go over it with her. Is this wrong? Should I just be happy that she's doing so good, or am I setting her up for something greater by showing her how to do it even better? Is that even possible in 1st grade? It is a very thin line. Obviously, I want my kids to know how proud I am of them, and that I will always be, but I also want to push them to be the best they can be. But honestly, I think the fact that I am even asking these questions makes it obvious I am not a tiger mother. The most important thing to me is that my kids have a happy childhood, one where they feel loved, have the time and ability to explore who they are, but also one that sets them up for success and independence later in life. And there's nothing wrong with that, right?
